Going From 'We don't communicate' to pro-communicators

By Lucas Kompare, LPC, NCC

If I had a nickel for every time I heard from a couple, “Lucas, we are here because we don’t

communicate” I could probably buy Disney. All too often in our relationships we forget how

to communicate effectively and respectfully. Some of us have never had good role models

when it comes to communication; maybe our parents had a hostile relationship, maybe we

dated people who were emotionally stunted, or maybe we have simply become so comfortable with each other that we don’t put in that effort to ask our partner how they are feeling anymore. Regardless of what the reason is, the good news is that everything can be learned or re-learned, even healthy communication. In this blog series, I will introduce skills that greatly improve interpersonal communication between yourself and your partner; starting with Gentle Start Ups.

When I am feeling prepared to converse with my partner, I want to set myself up for success and as little hostility as possible. I can do this by making sure that I utilize what John Gottman has coined a Gentle Start Up.

What this means is that I am approaching my partner with a non-aggressive st